oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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