Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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