Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
