I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
