Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
