she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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