Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
