I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
