So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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