Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
