I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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