remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
