i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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