like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
