All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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