I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
