Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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