just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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