I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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