just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
