they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
