My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
