currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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