Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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