don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
