VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
