I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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