I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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