pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
