If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
