Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize