MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
