you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
