Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
