My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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