i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
