So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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