Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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