They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You took a bar mat shot.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
