$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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