Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
