I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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