yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
