I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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