Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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