So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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