chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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