I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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