At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
