oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
