No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
my phone needs a breathalizer
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
