Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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