How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
