I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
