I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
