I am puke
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
