A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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