Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
