i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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