I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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