I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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