well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
