I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
