I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize