we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
