if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
