then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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